


Take a Breath, Close Your Eyes

by LostinThisIndigoGalaxy



Category: EXO (Band), Halloween - Fandom, SHINee, SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Idols, Aromantic Character, Author has a foul mouth, Autistic Coded Character, Canon Compliant, Cussing, Dancer Kim Jongin | Kai, Dancer Lee Taemin, Demons, Denial of Feelings, Falling In Love, Fate & Destiny, Feelings, Feelings Realization, First Meetings, Friendship/Love, Halloween, Just Add Kittens, LGBTQ Character of Color, Lee Taemin-centric, Love Confessions, M/M, Meet-Cute, Metaphors, Moral Dilemmas, Morally Ambiguous Character, Neurodiverse Character, Polyamory, Queer Themes, Romance, Self-Doubt, Social Anxiety, Some aspects remain untagged to avoid spoilers, Supernatural Elements, Taemin and Kai soft boyfriend appreciation hours, That good TaeKai uwu, True Love, Unintentional Redemption, kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27256195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostinThisIndigoGalaxy/pseuds/LostinThisIndigoGalaxy
Summary: Taemin is a decadence demon hunting for a sexy soul snack on Halloween.Kai seemed to be a whole meal and the perfect catch. But things quickly get complicated because Kai keeps exceeding all Taemin's expectations for humanity... and reminding him what it felt like to be alive for the first time in a very long time.Still, work is work, and a demon has to drink souls. it's what they do... If only his secret heart would stop hoping, he'd be fine.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taemin
Comments: 19
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Moonyki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonyki/gifts).
  * Inspired by [~Tame the devil~](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25612501) by [gusulanbaby (bigleosis)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigleosis/pseuds/gusulanbaby). 



> Ok helllllo, 
> 
> Welcome to the Chaos. This story is basically a third generation Moonyki snippet, no surprise let's face it. Her kindness is the very heart and embodiment of this ship and our fandom (no pressure though, we just adore you because you're excellent). 
> 
> Ok so, a few days ago I read our very own gusulanbaby's very sexy sweet version of this prompt/idea and I was immediately captured by the concept. It's an amazing story and I highly suggest you read it if you haven't yet. 
> 
> It ended much different than I expected, in a very sweet way, I was completely satisfied. But I could not shake the original idea I had. So here we are today. I hope I've done this little prompt family as much justice as was already done. 
> 
> If I seem 22 shades of to intense, well friends, I am excited about this one. So I acknowledge I may be a bit "to much" about it 
> 
> I'm not quite done with the story, there will be a very very fluffy afterward that I will post by Halloween at the latest. But with Eris & Exols reeling tonight, I wanted to provide a little distraction and company I'd anyone is in the need. 
> 
> If you need someone to talk to about what is going on in Exol land tonight, please feel free to. 
> 
> \----
> 
> We are not entitled to the private lives of Idols. If you suspect one of your favorite idols might actually be LGBTQIA+ The most respectful thing we can do is leave them The hell alone about it.
> 
> They can't freely talk about it. We should not try to force them to. Outing people, trying to out people is always wrong.
> 
> Vox Noire is feeding vulnerable black families with direct reparations. Contribute if you can.
> 
> https://checkout.square.site/pay/ede082a569ce4352b6bc30d3dd6ec00a

Hell yes Halloween was the best time of year, no doubt about it. It had been as far back as Taemin remembered. He didn't really know how long that had been in human years. Why would he? He wasn't human. Demons didn't need a concept of time so he was always a little vague on the topic. Maybe he didn't know for certain how long he had enjoyed the holiday, minutes? Decades? Irrelevant. All that mattered was that right now he did.

Halloween was one of the few times he could walk around amongst them, creepy red demon eyes on full fire decadence demon display. Since his employment required his direct interaction with humans for the soul drinking anyway, he liked getting to have a little fun with it now and again. It was a relief to let his hair down, be almost his whole demon self in public. That was so rare for him. He cherished every minute that he didn't have to pretend to be one of them.

The best part though was definitely all the mortals. On Halloween humans got positively sentimental about hedonism. It was truly glorious. Usually he would have to spend a lot of time talking people out of both their pants and their souls. But not on Halloween, on Halloween they were practically begging to give themselves away, body and soul, and what sort of decadence demon would Taemin be if he didn't oblige them? All he had to do tonight, was choose a hunting ground, choose his prey, and everything would fall right into place easy as pie. It was like window shopping for a particularly delicious working lunch. He was in Heaven... hyperbolically speaking. 

Tonight was all about fun for him & the humans. He'd been cruising the various club scenes for awhile, taking his time, watching all the humans frolicking in all their sexy, bad ass, power fantasy fulfillment, Halloween costumes. It almost made him smile, almost. Decadence demons were not really known for their cheer. He had just about decided to move on to another entertainment district for a different variety of party goer when he caught sight of someone that had definite soul drinking potential.

The first thing Taemin noticed about him was his nearly transcendental, radiant grace under the blinking blue and purple neon lights. He was wearing a candy apple red crop top, black leather pants, a white pen striped dinner jacket, and tiny little skinny suspenders that drew attention to the welcoming softness of his belly. Fuck, he was stunning, effervescent. His soul was glowing like diamonds and rain drops, practically calling Taemin's name. This gorgeous little fluff was practically begging for Taemin to drink him right up. He watched the mysterious beauty put on a chic, black leather, newsboy style beret, tuck his long wispy under cut behind his ears, and run into a dance club called 'PlayBoy', with easy poise. The club had a stylized, cheerful, geometric, rainbow logo. That was... that was just perfect. He hadn't craved a mortal this badly in a long time. His blood tingled with anticipation. 

Being a decadence demon meant that it didn't necessarily matter what a person's natural inclinations were once he turned on his magnetism. But it was much easier to work within a mortal's natural attractions. He didn't have any interest in having to hustle for souls on Halloween, his one semi vacation day of the whole year. So yes, this gorgeous, delicate, little angel of a person, who was heading into a queer dance club, would be perfect for him tonight. 

If Taemin were to explain to someone, what a decadence demon was exactly, he would tell them that the myths of both crossroads demons and vampires were based on his people. But in both cases the story had been blown totally out of proportion. For one thing, he didn't need a physical paper contract. He was a demon, why would that even be a thing? So no, a verbal contract was plenty. But, the devil was in the details, as they say. Semantics could really bite you in the ass if you weren't careful... especially if you were being seduced by a decadence demon. Once your consent was given to take....if your soul was bundled in with that physical gift, would you even notice? Not until it was much to late. 

The other commonly misunderstood aspect of his kind was that he didn't actually eat people... well he ate ass of course, most everyone who was interested in sex did, even if they lied about it to their peers. He'd seen their souls, he knew for a fact. But he didn't physically consume people, not their flesh *honestly eww*, not their blood, and not even their souls as such. They only called it drinking souls because most demons were frankly edge lords with, at best, only a mediocre sense of humor. The truth of it was he harvested souls and passed them on to collections demons, and wherever they went after that was above his pay grade. 

It just so happened the easiest way to get access to a human soul was through their mouths, and it just so happened that the easiest way to get access to a human's mouth while they were offering you their body and soul, was to kiss them... very incredibly well. If that looked like people drinking to his peers, there wasn't much he could do about it. 

Another thing that was generally left out of at least half the myths was the demon magic, which he had. He couldn't do everything, and it wasn't based on fear, evil, or whatever weird things people learned from CW's 'Supernatural' and 'Rosemary's Baby'. He wasn't cursed by blood magic or fated to wander the earth alone...well maybe that last one was kind of true. But if it was, it wasn't anywhere as scary as people thought. He could do a lot of cool things just by thinking them into existence and that was that. Anticlimactic really.

For instance the perfect outfit to pick up the perfect boy? Easy. He decided on something simple, sexy, a touch of dangerous, and a little artsy. With a small twirl of decadence magic he was changed into skin tight leather pants, a simple white blouse-y poet style button up... halfway unbuttoned of course, skinny little suspenders that drew attention to all his touchable places, and a stylized, chunky, silver cross. The imagery was nice... and the metaphor was complex. 

Taemin loved complexity. 

Once he got inside, he was relieved to see that the beautiful young man hadn't attached himself to anyone... not that he was worried... as such. He was a demon. Demons do not worry about boys. It was unbecoming. It was only because he wanted that crop top clad divinity without the drama that would have been inevitable if Taemin had needed to charm him away from someone else tonight. Very demony intentions if he did say so himself... and he did. By the time Taemin got inside the club, his crush-*cough*-prey, was already dancing. He wasn't just dancing though, he was dancing really well, superbly actually. There was absolutely no doubt that in this moment, the dance floor was his and his alone. Taemin watched intently, his heart thumping nervously in his chest, something it had not done in a very long time. It was like the mists of time slowly drifting away, unspooling like invisible silken threads.

An image flashed behind Taemin's eyes, it was him, but somehow not himself, a smol him. He was wearing a black face mask which was weird because demons do not have worry about illness, being seen when they don't want to be, or pollutants. None the less, there he was, with his mask worn low over his chin. He was talking into one of the human cell phones with a lot of aegyo, so much aegyo. He never did aegyo. He was a decadence demon. Demons only did cute to achieve a purpose. He was absolutely not cute. He was sexy and dangerous. This cute, sweet, version of him was saying something into the phone screen... but Taemin couldn't make it out. Smol him shut down the phone, slid the phone in the butt pocket of his semi ironic acid wash skinny jeans and flopped onto the couch with a pout. The gorgeous, unnamed young man he'd followed in here, was somehow in the vision with him. The gently, exquisite man wound himself around smol him, lounging practically on top of smol Taemin, reassuring him constantly with immensely joyful affectionate touching. He was like a human Teddy bear. It felt precious. Ugh. What?!

He shook his head to dispel whatever that was, his heart pounding erratically. He hadn't been touched like that since he had been saved from his own miserable mortality. He didn't know what to think about the hallucination? Vision? ... Wishful thinking? It was probably just Halloween weirdness...thin veil between the worlds... or something. It had to be. It didn't bear any more dwelling. His life was what it was, and that was all.

Once he had shaken the strange feeling off and gathered himself back together he realized the pretty man in the crop top had noticed him. He was now watching Taemin with a curious amused smirk. The man raised an eyebrow in question, apparently asking him if he was alright. Was he all right? Taemin wasn't entirely sure. When he didn't respond, frozen blinking in bewildered surprise, the glittering young man approached him. 

"Hey, are you ok?", He took Taemin's hands in his, rubbing gentle circles with his thumbs, as if they had known each other for a life time. 

"I, yeah, I'm sorry. I thought I knew you for a minute. I was surprised.", he giggled nervously, Why didn't he pull away? Why didn't he turn on his irresistible? Why was he nervous giggly? Taemin still felt out of synch with this reality, like that smol Taemin had possessed him. It made speaking, and even thinking, more difficult. 

"Oh", Glitter Crop Top smirked, mischievous and pleased, "would you like to know me?" 

"Yes", Taemin nodded vehemently, cringing internally. What sort of answer was that? He was usually so smooth, he could barely coordinate his limbs right now, "I'm usually better at this, I swear. I'm sorry, I'm embarrassed, should I be embarrassed? I don't know what came over me, gawking at you like that. So rude. Unff." 

Taemin laughed at himself and his utterly ridiculous behavior. Seriously. Get yourself together Lee Taemin.

"This is so, I can do better. Let me work on that please. I'm Taemin by the way, if that's not to forward." 

Taemin blushed internally, to forward? What was was going on with him? 

Kai laughed, open and delighted. 

"That was not at all to forward Taemin ssi. You can call me Kai. I think you are doing just fine. Why don't you come dance with me. It's my favorite way to get to know a beautiful man"

Kai took Taemin's hand and pulled him onto the dance floor. What? Beautiful? That actually worked? He didn't suck? This wasn't exactly ideal. He was supposed to be the one doing the asking and inviting. Ultimately talking someone out of their body and soul was like any other sales pitch. It was easier to get them to say yes to giving him their body, if they had already been saying yes all night. Start small, a conversation, a drink, a dance, a kiss. So it was not ideal that he hadn't done the asking, still Kai came to him so he supposed it would still count. Hopefully. Thank goodness he'd not just laughed and walked off. The edge lords would never let him live that down if they ever found out he actually froze up over a ridiculously hot man. 

Taemin had always had muscle memory of dancing as far back as he could remember. He couldn't recall a time when he hadn't known how to dance. Though theoretically that time would have had to exist right? Regardless, he had always, as far as he was concerned, enjoyed dancing. It was one of his favorite parts of this otherwise annoying job. 

It was why he usually did his hunting in dance clubs. One of his more industrious Demon Hyungs had proclaimed all the hustle a waste of time and now grindr'd his souls. He said it was like getting takeout, all that sweating was a waste of time when they delivered themselves to him so painlessly. Taemin appreciated his Hyung's perspective and experience, he had a point. Even so he would not like to imagine his long unlife without dancing. 

Right now, this moment, dancing with Kai was everything in the whole world. He had always loved dance, but dancing with Kai was like ascending to the heavens on music and euphoria. The bass thrummed in his sternum, washing over him in nearly tangible waves. Kai melded himself to Taemin perfectly. Slotted together sensually, they easily found a perfectly seamless rhythm. It felt mystical, sacred, like they were born to dance together. Taemin felt soft and fuzzy around the edges. He was having weird flash backs of his life before someone drank *his* soul. 

He hadn't thought about that in a very long time, so long he actually kind of forgot. But right now he didn't mind the way he usually did, when something reminded him of his then painful, now lost, humanity. Right now he didn't mind anything on this earth. With Kai pressed against him, music melding them together in near perfect unison, everything seemed perfect. Kai smelled like, musk, grace, and the secret depths of the ocean. 

It was really a shame Taemin was going to have to drink his soul. It wouldn't kill him, but it would drain his creativity, uniqueness... all the small precious things that made him fully himself. It was Taemin's job, and if it wasn't Kai, it would have to be someone else. But Taemin could give him one hell of a great last night with his soul right? That would be ok. It would just have to be ok. The next time there was a lull in the music, he offered to get Kai a drink and he said yes. Ok! Now he was getting somewhere. Finally. 

"Almost everyone here has one of these very vibrant mixed drinks. Would you perhaps like a blue one? A green one? Midori is both dramatic and delicious."

Taemin gestured around at all the different beautiful people carrying beautiful colorful drinks. 

"No", Kai chuckled and wound a long arm around Taemin's shoulders, "But you could convince me with tea." 

"Oh ok...then...", Taemin looked around, this didn't really look like a tea spot, "I don't think they carry tea, but I can ask" 

"They do", Kai laughed warmly and nuzzled Taemin's temple like a self satisfied cat, "I work here. I bring it in myself." 

"Oh I thought...", why did Taemin feel so off his game tonight? The edge lords were never gonna shut up about this, "Not that there is anything wrong with working here. You're just such a good dancer. I thought you must be a trainee or dancer at one of the big entertainment agencies. Wait, why would you come to your work when you're not on the clock? You're very confusing Kai...it's confusing and spiky but I think I like this feeling you give me." 

He pulled Kai close, enjoying the enticing warmth of his long frame pressed up against him. Taemin realized up close Kai wasn't all that small... he was actually a couple inches taller than Taemin himself. That meant he found himself right at the perfect height to kiss the warm hollow of Kai's throat. Having thought the thought, his body followed through with his desire before he could stop himself. Kai's heartbeat thumped happily under his lips. A bit shocked at himself, he looked up, ready to apologise profusely. However Kai was obviously pleased... maybe even a little smug. Ugh. Well... that's probably best, right?

"Ah yeah, thank you", Kai playfully held one long graceful finger under Taemin's chin as he spoke, "I tried... well I tried to try out a couple times, but I had a hard time with the crowds and people and stuff. Life is weird you know? It's not bad though. I get to dance, I'm happy. I'm not sure I'm cut out for all that socialization. As for why I am here when I am not working, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I'm actually not here for a hook up... or people at all. I just came to dance", Kai's expression was warm, inviting, and a little challenging. Taemin was intoxicated.

He could drown himself forever in this man... but that was not his lot in life... because he didn't have a life. He was a demon and he was here to show this precious, glorious man one more precious glorious night, and then he would take his soul...and all that would be left would be a beautiful, uninspired, empty shell. He tried not to think about how nauseous that made him, as he smiled his best sexy slinky smile. 

"Does that mean that this has become a hook up?"

Taemin hoped he would say no. He felt like he was sliding down an icy slope with no gear and no protection, already going much to fast to stop. Kai looked down at him, somehow both shy & flirty inviting. That should be illegal. He was to beautiful, to perfect.

"It could be if you wanted it to be... "

This was Taemin's chance, he could say no, it might be a little mean but Kai would have a full, joyous, radiant life. He could just say no and walk out. Be a dick. He'd been a dick plenty in his life, nearly constantly in his demonic unlife. Just say no. 

"I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like you Kai. I would... love to." , Taemin found himself blinking nervously up at him, as if he was young, innocent, and unsure again.

Fuck. What had he done? He didn't want to watch the light drain out of Kai's eyes. He didn't want to be responsible for draining the light out of his eyes. Kai leaned in close to whisper in Taemin's ear. 

"Do you have a car near by Taeminnie?" 

Taemin closed his eyes, dropped a beautiful black SUV, one of the giant Western ones, in a near by parking lot, and keys in his pocket. It was like he was on autopilot. Numb. Why did he even care? He'd siphoned the souls off boys that were (maybe) prettier, (maybe)softer... certainly boys who were more famous or professionally accomplished. Why did this particular man make him feel like he was draining himself dry? He remembered briefly, sitting on the side of a mountain when he was still alive, black hair in his eyes, sun on his face. When he was alive. He swallowed heavily. 

"Yeah, it's just down the street" 

"Mmmmmmm, can we leave then? I'd love to dance with you... just the two of us, find out exactly how sweet you are." 

Kai's freshly shaved face was warm and smooth against Taemin's cheek. His body responded to Kai's proximity, even as his heart despaired. 

"Hmmmm, I think I would love for you to see exactly how sweet I am" Taemin didn't understand why he felt so shy and awkward with Kai when he'd been seducing men for a living as far back as he remembered. Something about Kai made him feel vulnerable, human... unsure of himself. He decided to just be thankful that Kai seemed to love when Taemin was socially bumbly and go with it. The idea of Kai appreciating his inner geek made him flutter in nervous anticipation.

They left arm in arm, having completely forgotten their drinks. Silver moonlight and a dazzling array of pin prick stars lit the frost crisp, translucent night sky, electric with potential as they walked to Taemin's SUV. Kai hung loosely from his shoulders, quietly talking to him about his friends, work, the beloved, mundane, cherished details of his life. Taemin adored every minute of it...and hated it's inevitable end. The brisk breeze felt ominous against his skin. To quickly they arrived next to his impressively looming automobile. 

He helped Kai get into the car, which he was mercilessly teased for, but he couldn't bear the thought of missing a single second of being as close to Kai as possible. His fire would be out to soon. It wasn't fair, for it to be over like that for him, just because Taemin thought he was hot. It was painfully unfair. He wanted to emblazon every second of Kai into his memory before he disappeared forever. He was actually so busy brooding over it he didn't immediately notice his SUV wasn't starting. Which should be impossible given it was a fucking demonic SUV. He stared at the dashboard blankly, as the engine remained utterly dead. What the actual fucking fuck? 

"What.the.Fuck? I'm so sorry Kai, this behemoth is brand new. It should not have any technical difficulties. I'm not really sure... I'm really sorry. I don't want to disappoint you or anything. Hmmph." He pouted at the misbehaving mystical fucked up hybrid truck.

Maybe Kai would give up and just go back to the club alone, he wouldn't try to stop him even if he wanted to... he hoped anyway. He never got the chance to test his determination though because yet again Kai didn't laugh at him when he could have. Instead he leaned towards Taemin so slowly, smile salacious, hungry. 

Taemin's sad demon heart was at war with itself. It half desperately hoped to feel Kai's hot, full, mouth on his, and was half terrified of what would happen after that, what had to happen after that. Kai kissed Taemin's cheek, the sweetest murmur of a kiss that left tingling tracers woven into his sensitive skin, then whispered low and sensual, lips brushing Taemin's. 

"I walked here, my place isn't far, you could come to mine, worry about this later... Or tomorrow?" 

A sea of conflict washed over Taemin. He had never wanted to touch someone so badly in his long miserable unlife. He had never needed to touch someone so badly at all. His body burned with the need to bury himself in Kai, to caress every centimeter of his gorgeous tan skin, to possess him consensually, to gift him with eternal pleasure, to kiss him endlessly, to kiss the life out of him. The only problem was that's exactly what would literally happen, he would kiss the life out of him. He knew he should say no. He should hurt Kai's feelings now and save his future but the need was to strong. He couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. He was weak, reckless with near critical need. He was a decadence demon. A monster. 

"Today has been extremely weird & I am moderately embarrassed... I think I would love that.", He blinked in embarrassment at Kai, giggled, and managed to recuperate enough to kiss and nip Kai's finger tips. Allowing himself the small bit of intimacy that sent a thrill through him, "very, very, very much"

Kai was not at all put off or put out. Taemin decided that Kai was probably literally perfect or at least perfect for him. He needed to spend as much time as possible with him, for research purposes. The whole walk back to his apartment, Kai remained wrapped around Taemin, kissing his neck, jaw, and ear lobe,and telling him that he was prettier than the moon or stars or the night sky. He liked it, loved it more than he cared to admit. 

They were cutting through a parking lot when Kai froze. 

"Did you hear that?"

Taemin listened for any potential threats natural or otherwise. He couldn't hear anything out of the ordinary. 

"There!", Kai yelled in a strangled hushed tone and ran towards a large, low slung truck. As they got closer he finally heard it. Oh fuck no. 

*Meoooow* 

What even? 

*Meoauuuuuu* 

Kai, pulled Taemin close, eyes huge pools of empathetic distress. 

"Taemin ah it's a kitten. He's scared. It's so cold out here. We have to help." 

"...Ok...?" 

"Taeminnie, I can't ruin these clothes. They aren't mine, as such. I couldn't afford to replace them. Please" 

Kai made the biggest saddest eyes at him humanly possible. Taemin looked down at the sexy vampire pirate outfit he had summoned out of thin air only a couple hours ago. Oh well. He wasn't doing this for the kitten anyway. He was doing it for the beautiful man with the endless eyes.... So that he would not decide that Taemin was to cruel to sleep with. Yes, just so. It was a completely selfish choice. 

"Ok, ok, I will rescue this kitten for you." 

The edge lords were really never going to let him live this down. Taemin sighed and lay on the ground to locate the kitten. When he did he almost- no, no, no he refused to have any empathy for the tiny, soaking wet, shivering, black kitten huddled behind a wheel. This was absolutely not an empathy situation, thank you very much. He slithered under the car trying to get close but the kitten was to afraid and darted away from him every time he got near...ok maybe he empathized a little.

"It keeps running away. I don't think I can catch it" 

"No we have to. It'll freeze to night Taeminnie. Please. Try talking to it! Or singing!" 

Kai sounded a little frantic with worry. 

"I am talking to it... I'll try singing ok. I'll try." 

From somewhere in the silent depths of his past a song he'd long forgotten, fell from his lips. He'd actually forgotten he could even sing. How could he forget that? He loved to sing.

"We were just 2 kids, too young and dumb

Young, dumb and clumsy hearts

Hold them tight on that particularly sad day

You and I, you and I

Wishing you would hold me but I pushed you

Saying the words “I’m sorry” was Uhm

2 kids, too young and dumb

If I endured everything, would it be different?

We were just too

We were just too young and

We were just too young and dumb

We were just too young and dumb

I kiss every memory one by one

We were just too young and dumb

Just too young and dumb" 

Silence settled around him, the image of his first and only love crying, replaying in his mind's eye. The painful knot in his throat made it hard to breathe. He was completely shocked when the kitten, now somehow mere inches from his face, started licking his cheek bone. It rubbed it's cold nose against his temple, clambered up onto the nape of his neck, and nestled there. The kitten was so tiny he could barely feel where it sat nested in between his hair and shoulders. Only the icy cold of its teeny tiny feet making chilly pin pricks where the kitten perched gave it's position away. He didn't even know how to react to that forlorn but trusting feeling, so he didn't. He just slowly and very carefully squirmed back out from under the truck. 

Kai scooped up the kitten with an indignant squawk as soon as they were free again, worried baby talking at it.

"Are you ok little one? Are you? He didn't tell me he could sing so passionately, sadly, beautifully did he little kitten? It makes me sad to feel his broken heart like that but I suppose we all have our secrets don't we little one? Are you ok? Your tiny kitten feet are so cold. We need to get you warm." 

As Taemin straightened up he surveyed the two of them, Kai and his tiny kitten friend. They were both shivering in the biting evening wind. The kitten was wet somehow and soaking a damp kitten shape into Kai's already insufficient crop top. Taemin clicked his tongue in frustration and peeled his sexy poet shirt off. 

"Give me your jacket and the kitten please."

Taemin's voice was stern and firm, it was not a tone that allowed for quibbling. Kai handed him the kitten and then his jacket with out protest, though his eyes were wide with unveiled surprise. Taemin made no comment as he balanced the damp little kitten on one shoulder. It's needle sharp kitten claws dug into his shoulder as it bobbled back and forth struggling to balance. It was inconsequential. He'd caused more pain then this little kitten could even imagine. He'd live. He neatly folded Kai's fancy jacket and slung it over his other shoulder. Then, before a protest could begin, he slid his own blousy top over Kai's head, making it as much heavier and warmer as he dared. 

"Arms" 

"What?" 

"You look silly wearing my shirt as a necklace Kai ah, please just put your arms in the sleeves." 

His tone must have sounded sincere enough, Kai did as he asked. Taemin buttoned a couple more buttons, then tucked the tiny shivering kitten under his shirt, against Kai's chest. Finally he put Kai's jacket over his shoulders, buttoning it over both the kitten and his arms. They should be much warmer now. Kai looked at him with wonderment. 

"But Taeminnie, you'll freeze, and people..." 

"I'll be ok, It's late. No one will see, and I won't freeze. If you're worried about me, we can hurry, right?"

Taemin smiled his absolutely most charming smile. He was a demon. He'd live... But the way Kai was beaming at him like he was also good and kind, maybe he deserved to freeze. His heart felt both incredibly full and horrifically empty, as they walked, faster now. He couldn't magic himself up a shirt with Kai right there cozied up with a kitten but he could do a little glamour so no one would notice the seriously strange situation. Kai hummed an endearing worried hum as he lead Taemin, who kept his hand at the small of Kai's back. He was unwilling or unable to completely stop touching Kai, even if it meant Taemin couldn't wrap his arms around himself for warmth or discretion. 

When they got to the very cozy, cute, and blessedly warm apartment, Kai immediately started bustling around to make a nice place for the kitten. Taemin stood awkward, leaning up against the kitchen cabinet, still very much shirtless. An envelope caught his eye. It was addressed to Kim Jongin. Whomever that was, it wasn't his business. Was it? Maybe it was Kai's boyfriend. That had happened plenty before. Only Kai didn't seem like a cheater. He seemed so sincere. So emotionally open and loving and- oh fuck. He had to get his shit together. 

"Hey Pretty Kitten, do you have a bathroom I could use?"

Kai snapped his eyes up from the actual kitten, remembering Taemin.

"I am so sorry. Your shirt is wet, I can't give it back to you like this, let me get you something warmer." Kai lead Taemin to his bedroom which he was embarrassed to note seemed to be for only one person. He told himself it didn't matter. Any minute now he'd snatch Kai's soul and there would be no more him to speak of, no matter who he was or wasn't dating. Taemin had to get his shit together. Kai handed him something, clothing of some sort, he nodded as politely as possible and stumbled into the bathroom. 

In the bathroom he looked at the... It was an incredibly soft fuzzy teddy bear hoodie, complete with fluffy teddy bear ears. This, this was adorable and kind. He didn't deserve this. He stood for a minute, taking big gasping breaths, spellbound by how horrified he felt at himself. He'd been numb for so very long. But he was here to do a job, a job which he couldn't possibly escape. For a moment he dropped all the glamours and various magics that kept him looking more or less human. 

He needed to remember he was not. The blood red burning eyes, the pallid almost grey skin, the emaciation... but the worst part to his mind was the glittering green taint. The taint that started at his fingertips and had spread over the decades. There was a bloom of shimmering green across his forehead now. His Demon Hyungs told him it was pretty, colorful, he didn't think so. It was a painful reminder of exactly how inhuman he was. This was the real him. He couldn't do anything about it. 

What did it matter if he saved this man to move on and eat some other man... who didn't deserve it anymore than this one, even if this man was the one who emotionally woke him up. He was not going to cry, he hadn't cried in hundreds of years. He slipped back into his glamours and the oversized hoodie which looked surprisingly sexy over the leather pants. The squinched up sweater paws felt comfortingly squeezie in his hands. He actually felt a little better somehow. 

He found Kai back in the kitchen laying on his belly, on the floor with the kitten, hand feeding the little thing off his finger tip. It was the single most precious thing he had ever seen... In hundreds of years of living. When Kai saw Taemin back again, he fluidly rolled off the floor, and loosely wrapped his arms around Taemin's neck. He was so so so close, humming happily. Taemin's smaller hands fit perfectly on Kai's hips. 

"Taeminnie, you really are the prettiest you know. I think I could get used to seeing you in my clothes. Sweet and sexy is definitely your look.", Kai paused, slid his hand down over Taemin's heart, smiling at him with unbearable fondness, "I really like you, you know. I'm really glad you followed me into Playboy... My name is Jongin. My real name. Kai is my stage name I guess. My friends call me Nini though. You can call me Nini if you want. I'd like that very much." 

Jongin, his name was Jongin... So no boyfriend after all. Jongin, and he trusted Taemin enough to tell him his real name. What a mistake on his part. Taemin's heart broke quietly. Nini was so close, every bit as bubbly and gorgeous as usual, waiting patiently for Taemin to respond. He didn't think he'd ever felt so conflicted about a hunt. Nini. Fuck. Nini. 

"I'm sorry Nini. I'm really so very sorry." 

Nini cocked his head ever so slightly, confused. Taemin wasn't strong enough. He'd never been strong enough. He couldn't walk away no matter how badly he knew he should. It had been to long since he'd felt anything at all. He needed this in a way he felt powerless to stop. He pulled Nini towards him firm and insistent, heart pounding, desperate, and sad. Nini tasted like delicate sweetness, warm earth, and sunshine. Wholesome. Everywhere they touched cleansing fire burned, raging through Taemin's whole being, waking him up completely. 

Two visions ran concurrently somehow powered by the kiss, eclipsing Taemin's vision, even his awareness. The first vision was his last memories of being alive, falling in love then losing the man he thought was his whole heart, his devastation, then the beautiful stranger he met on that hill who offered to take his pain away forever.

His shock at the clarity of the memory was muffled by the second vision being dumped into his brain at the same time. It was two kids, boys dancing together in a studio, growing over the years. He realized as they reached their teens that it was him, and Nini together, always together. A whole life time of 'I love yous'. A whole life time spent together, dancing. 

The whirlwind spun faster Inside him. They deepened the kiss, intense with mutual need. Fire poured through Taemin, everything hurt inside him, his bones were smoldering. The demonic thirst inside him snapped and howled, furious at being denied. He knew he was shaking. Finally he couldn't contain the pressure anymore, using the last bit of his self control to throw himself staggering backwards. His body was wracked with bloody coughing, punishing him for denying it what it wanted, what it needed.

"Taeminnie you're crying, you're mouth, you're bleeding, are you hurt? did I hurt you?" 

Oh Sweet Nini. Nini. Nini. 

Was he crying, he hadn't realized. Maybe he forgot what crying felt like. He tried to breathe enough to mellow the rattle in his chest. 

"No Jonginnie, you didn't hurt me. I did this to myself. I'm so so sorry Jonginnie. I have to go now. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish. I wish things could be different. Any sort of different. I'm so sorry... I don't know if it matters to you but I think I could have loved you... I think I might be be a little in love with you already" 

Taemin turned to leave but was overcome with weakness. He crumpled where he stood, covering his eyes, trying desperately to stifle centuries of despair now that it had been stirred up and let loose. He felt, more than heard, Nini kneeling in front of him, putting a hand over his heart again, like he deserved consideration. That hand was so warm and comforting, calm settled in his stomach. Taemin wanted to scream, to run away, to kiss him again. Knowing full well he would never be able to hold back a second time. 

"Lee Taemin You Have Remembered Your Humanity" 

Taemin jerked his eyes up to Nini kneeling in front of him. He was... different... not human anymore. His body cast the whole room in rich soothing indigo purple light. He was shocked for a split second and then realized this is what he'd seen in the streets earlier rather than neon or moon light. Nini's eyes were no longer human eyes, infinite wells of slowly wheeling galaxies. Stardust glittered on his skin. His body language was detached, uncomfortably still... the most ethereal and unnerving part of his appearance were his impossibly beautiful, deepest purple wings born of star light and the bones of time itself. 

A celestial, humans called them angels, they had no idea how small their imaginings were. He was so fucked. He was going to die now. Everything he'd ever learned about celestials knew that. They only showed up to course correct when the flow of time got misdirected. They were completely implacable and impossible to deter. The souls of universes incarnate, they did not fuck around. If this was here, he'd fucked up more than he knew and was very very much even more of a dead man walking than before. He giggled, hysterical from the emotional rollercoaster. 

"You're... you're not Nini are you? You were a lie? That's not very nice. Now I'm going to miss someone who never existed for whatever time I have left" 

"No Lee Taemin, I am not your Nini. However the boy who gave me the assistance of his corporeal form, to help recalibrate both your futures, is very real, very much the person you have spent the evening with. There was only a little angelic interference here and there. He is just as infatuated with you, as you are with him." 

Taemin looked at them, Nini's gentle beauty broadened by something totally alien. 

"Why him, why all this?"

Taemin's heart broke more and more. He desperately wanted what he felt with Nini to be real. Not the fabrication of a bored deity on a mortal plane-cation.

"As you said yourself Lee Taemin, bartering for souls is like any other sales pitch. It's easier to get them to say yes to giving in, if they have already been saying yes all night. Start small, a conversation, a drink, a dance, a kiss. I merely took your own advice"

Taemin realized they had done all those things. Kai had asked and he said yes, everytime. He'd been played at his own game. He'd laugh if he wasn't so heartsick.

"So it was all a lie?" 

Taemin felt so small and tired, why make him feel all of this for a lie? Why? 

"Ah, I am sorry, I have misspoken, there was some cosmic luck at play so that circumstances could continue playing out in your favor. The kitten for instance...and your SUV not starting. But your reactions, your feelings are all your own. None of what he said to you was a lie. He is not a lie." 

The celestial plucked one small feather from it's wings and wafted it towards Taemin. When it settled on his cheekbone, a memory not his own bloomed in his head. 

An infinitely gentle little boy, not more than five or six, golden brown, with warm black hair, wistful in the summer sun, watching the children run around him. He had an air of shy silence about himself as he grew in Taemin's shared memory, practicing his ballet lessons for hours on end, a growing confidence and joy taking seed in him with his skills. When laughter and joy replaced worry and tears, his parents breathed a sigh of relief, to have found something their precious son loved so much. 

Taemin realized he was crying again, this time for joy. He felt like, in some way this story was similar to his own, though he didn't remember his own childhood at all. The celestial watched him impassively as he wiped his tears away. Still warm with the feeling of discovering love for an art form that felt like salvation. The celestial cleared their throat.

"Might you focus now that we have discussed the boy Lee Taemin?" 

Was...a celestial being of time and space teasing him about his crush? That was not anything he had seen coming. The celestial didn't wait for him to respond, which was just as well because what in the world could he say? The celestial took a deep breath and seemed to relax a little bit. Could celestial beings relax?

"It was actually quite the screw up for the basement department this time you know, snatching your particular soul. It took us a while to figure it out. Just a few lifetimes, not to long, but in this lifetime? In this lifetime you were meant to change the world... with art. The details are a bit to... human for me understand. The part I do understand, is that this small, seemingly inconsequential difference, Shinee with no Lee Taemin, got our attention in time, and has caused a cascade of universal unrest that could potentially end this time line permanently. We do have one little last ditch correction we can make to salvage this time line if all goes well which is, of all unlikely things centered around you... So, Lee Taemin you have remembered your humanity. Do you know what happens to lesser demons that remember their humanity?"

"... You kill me?"

The celestial raised on eyebrow at him like that was the most foolish thing they'd ever heard.

"Oh ok.... you erase me?" 

The celestial sighed heavily like he was arguing with a toddler. Which Taemin supposed in every sense that mattered he was. 

"No, Lee Taemin, dramatic and blessed child of the universe. You can choose to have your soul back.... It has to be a choice Lee Taemin. We can't give you all your lives back but we can rewind this one back to where things started to go wrong in this time line. When you were supposed to meet him... give or take a year or three" 

The celestial gestured vaguely at the apartment they were in. 

"We can give you some time back Lee Taemin, but we can't assure your choices or their outcomes. You won't remember most of this, most of the time. Nor will you know anything more than any other mortal, and you most certainly will be a mortal again Lee Taemin." 

"You have to make a choice, I can not assure you of the outcome either way. Here or there, it may end terribly or beautifully." 

Taemin looked at the being of living time before him, wearing a man he just met, like a very pretty glove. He had been terrified when the celestial appeared but looking at them now, so serenely beautiful, he felt more clear than he'd felt in centuries. He realized he already knew what he would do. 

He chose. 

Reality bent in on itself. Time and space unraveled around him. The dimensions bucked and howled into eternity. The shrieking of every single atom in every single timeline, for all time, rending him into light, then dust, then light again.

And then there was only darkness.

\--------


	2. An Afterward Named Demon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it. I hope it lives up to your expectations. 
> 
> I played extremely fast and loose with the time line, for which I am not even sorry. Sorry? 
> 
> I probably won't ever write anything this close to canon compliant again. I get to caught up in the details. 
> 
> Anyway, I think that's it. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading.

**1993** 

Humans are first born in darkest night then brought into the light 

A passage through time stitched into our very mitochondria 

Some of us crave the security of sun on our faces 

Some of us remember the mysterious comfort of the dark 

They say that babies are born screaming 

Rarely is a baby born with eyes wide open 

Forever reaching forward into the light, and back into that comfort of the dark 

They named him Taemin, so that one day he may be exalted

And the story begins again

**2005**

"what the?" 

Taemin rewound the clip again, he had to make sure he had the movement exactly right. He squinted at it, mirroring the movements. 

"Taeminnie, honey did you hear me? When did you get up?" 

Taemin didn't tear his eyes away from inspecting the clip. He had to make sure he was doing it absolutely perfectly. 

"5:30 mom"

"So, 4:00?"

"Ugggggghhhhh I have to practice so I can be perfect", he was genuinely trying not to pout, he was just so nervous. 

"Honey the audition isn't for hours, how can you do your best if you don't rest?" 

"You said I wouldn't have to go back to school if I got in. I'm getting in!"

He was working on arm placement and isolation while they talked. It was probably good for him to practice being distracted anyway.

"Honey, I wish you would tell me why you hate school so much. You can tell me if something is going on again you know." 

"It's fine mom. It's not that bad. It's boring. So boring."

"Honey, lots of people are bored at school. But here we are it's barely dawn and you've been doing this for an hour at least"

"I don't know ok! I don't know mom. It's just wrong. I feel wrong there. They won't ever let me forget I don't fit. I don't know how to fix it. I don't understand what- why... Please mom, it's ok. I'm ok. But you said I wouldn't have to go back if I could just get accepted. I need to practice!!" 

"Ok, fine honey, but I am bringing you food that is easy to eat. You are going to eat it while you practice, and breaks once an hour. I'm serious. There is no honor in torturing yourself. You have to take care of yourself so you're able to do your best... and when you do, you don't have to go back to school again. Ok?"

_____________

**2007** 

There was something serene and precious about an empty practice room to Jongin. The way the silence was welcoming and solid, the endless potential in the air waiting patiently. He loved to practice after almost all the trainees had gone home or back to their dorms for the night. It was his favorite part of the day. He always took his time setting up, so he could enjoy the extra peace before he finished his practice for the day.

His serenity was interrupted by the sound of sneakers scuffing the floor. Before he even had a chance to start his music. It made him unreasonably irritable. He grumped at whomever was disturbing his peace and quiet without turning around. 

"Yah. Watch the floors. I'm practicing in here" 

Did that make sense? No it did not. But this was his favorite time of the day, ruined. He didn't have to make sense 

"Oh. I'm sorry... I... I can go..." 

"Taemin ssi?" 

Jongin spun around, more than a little surprised that mister I'm your senior had deigned to be anywhere near him. He took a deep breath. Taemin was actually his senior, harboring hurt feelings because he thought they had things in common that would make them easy friends, was not helpful. Especially if they ended up in the same group. Just because he thought he'd finally met a person who was like him in some way that he couldn't explain, only to be dismissed... he needed to get over his feelings. But still, ouch. Ouch. Ouch. 

"... Oh uhh... you-can-call-me-hyung-I-just- uhhh", Taemin stalled out in the middle of his run on sentence. 

"Huh?" 

"You do a lot of extra practices don't you?" 

Oh was that what this was about? 

"Yeah I do. Not all of us were born gifted you know... Hyung. It's the only time everything feels right... and besides I'm not good enough... yet. I know everyone thinks it's a little to weird, a little to much. You don't have to get it." 

"I get it.", Taemin seemed so tiny and regretful. Jongin had never been good at holding grudges anyway.

"My mom thinks", Taemin took a deep nervous breath, "that I should tell you, that I was wrong. That what I said was wrong, wrong and mean. I didn't, I thought it would be different here you know? Maybe it is a little, but mostly it's not. It... I was disappointed, mom says I took it out on you. I don't know, I'm really sorry... but umm if you don't hate me already... I thought maybe we could be friends after all, and practice together. You're the only dancer here, our age, who practices as much as I do, the only one that's never... " 

"It really isn't very different from school is it Hyung?" 

"Not really. More pressure." 

"More eyeliner." 

"Hey I look amazing in eyeliner" 

"You really do."

They both laughed at that, relaxed a little. Jongin sat on the floor, Taemin followed suit, sighed, stared into space as he spoke. 

"I've been so stressed out lately. It seems like the better I do, the more everyone expects from me. It's never ending. Mom keeps telling me I need to take a break, 'socialize with my peers', but who? How? I'm here all the time. The people here are... great. I don't know, I've never been good at fitting in, you know?" 

"But then I realized, you're like that too right? Somehow, just always a little too different for their comfort, somehow? That's why you asked if we could be friends right? Can I ask Jongin ah... How did you know... That we were kinda the same?" 

"I dunno, don't you know?" 

"No, not really... I can figure stuff out all day but feelings? Mysterious." They laughed together again.

"I really don't know exactly", Jongin got up to dig around in his gym bag, "mama- mom says that I have a finely tuned sense of empathy that helps me communicate with dance. Here" 

He tossed a compact something that flew across the small space between them and landed with a heavy metallic crunch on Taemin's chest. 

"Ouch. You hit me, what the hell?", He held up an absolutely beat up purple toy car, "why did you hit me with a little car?" 

"Wow, You're dramatic huh?", Jongin laughed, feeling lighter than he had in a while, "It's my good luck. You know I didn't get in my first audition? I was... 11? I messed up a little, and started crying during the performance. They told me to come back in a couple years. Embarrassing. The second time, I found that beat up little suv on the way in... and I don't know it reminded me of something nice, so I kept it ... and TADA, here I am.", Jongin did a little twirl to illustrate. 

"Wowwww, I can't take this" 

"It's to late, I already gave it to you." 

"Purple is my favorite color" 

"I know" 

"Well... I'll bring it to our extra practices every night so you can have it back if you need it." 

"All right, that's fair" 

"Jongin ah, would you want to spend the night at my house this weekend? My mom suggested it. She is really on this trying to make more friends thing. But maybe she's right, and, uh, I mean I think it would be cool. We can practice, review, listen to music. I have dogs. They're cute." 

"You just decided to be my friend five minutes ago, and you want me to spend the night?" 

Taemin shrugged, "I'm decisive." 

Jongin laughed, though Taemin was obviously being super serious.

"Yeah all right, If I can. You want to stay and practice with me, since you're here anyway?" 

"Yes!", Taemin sproinged up like a reactivated Tigger, "hey maybe if we practice enough and get amazing together, they'll put us in the same group. That would be cool right?"

"That would be really cool Hyung." 

Jongin couldn't help his big dorky smile. Taemin wanted to be in a group with him now? He always knew he and Taemin could be the best of friends. His mom would be so excited for him, she'd definitely say yes to the sleep over. He'd only been sulking about The Rejection Incident for weeks, which Taemin must never know about. It was way to embarrassing. 

They turned on the music and got to work. 

It was the most fun either of them had in weeks. 

The best of friends

___________

**2011** 

Cutest Taeminnie 6v6

.

Hey, do you want to spend a weekend with me, for my birthday, the weekend after the official day? 

If Shinee's Lee Taemin isn't to busy...

.

That's right your birthday is coming up! My Jonginnie is going to be all grown up

How does it feel?

Of course I'm not to busy for My Jonginnie on his birthday! 

I should be able to figure it out, there's time

Will it be a big birthday party? 

.

I refuse to acknowledge your grown up jokes. You are not that much older than me

Yes, all of EXO, SHINee, let's see who else Wonsik, Moonkyu...

.

You're ridiculous, that's not what I meant by, you're grown up now

Oh

Umm

Yeah ok 

. 

Sure you didn't mean it that way

I'm kidding drama queen. My best friend is such a diva 

No silly, neither of us likes crowds, just me and you

I thought i could do lunch or dinner with the guys sometime this week

If that's ok with you...

. 

Oh yeah! Sure! Of course. Of course

So what are we doing? 

. 

I'm gonna get a bunch of horror & monster movies

28 days later, Pandorium, The Cabin in the Woods, The Man From Nowhere, Step Up 

. 

Haha you're hilarious

. 

I am extremely hilarious. 

Oh but also would you watch LXD with me this weekend? I know we've seen it a million times but they actually include tap and ballet, besides the awesome comic book premise. I love it so much 

. 

Anything for my birthday boy

. 

Thanks Taeminnie

I love you

. 

I love you too 

You big sap 

_______________

**2012**

My Pretty Taeminnie (｡♡‿♡｡)

I know you have had a cb and I have had debut activities but I miss you. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I need Taeminnie time. 

Texting and 3 am video calls aren't enough anymore

I'm officially pouting 

. 

I miss you too but these managers are intense, and know all my tricks now

they never let me out of their site anymore 

Wait I have an idea

Remember how we used to practice together almost every night? 

. 

Of course I do? 

I might be a little offended you thought I could forget some of the best times of my life

. 

Jonginnie don't be such a brat. 

I love you too

But damn I may need to spank you if you keep being so bratty

What I was going to say is, we should start practicing together again, more often, like before we both got sucked into preparations. Then managers can't interfere right? Or won't want to as much

. 

That's brilliant

But I'm still pouting

Guess you'll just have to spank me and see if you get the response you want... 

. 

Guess I will 6v6

\-----

"Jonginnie!", Taemin almost bowled him entirely over, "ahhh look at you. I love your hair. You look so pretty Jonginnie. I feel like I haven't seen you in a month"

"We see each other constantly, yahh, you were the one that declared us same age friends. So you don't have to, to... to... Hyung me so much. No need to fuss Taeminnie. I'm fine." 

"Maybe I like to fuss over you because you're you and my favorite, not because you're younger."

"Riiight... ok you made your point Taeminnie. I am well aware you are literally my best friend. You didn't do anything. I'm just in a weird mood... But we're here to dance right?" 

"Ok ok, you always know how to sexy talk me Jonginnie. I am weak to all your persuasion techniques... especially dancing."

Dancing was the safest thing for them right now. Jongin did not trust himself in this moment, when he missed Taemin this much.

The thing for Jongin was not that he didn't like Taemin fussing over him, it was that he had developed a little to much of a liking... love of it. He didn't understand at first why he was always so anxious ecstatic when Taemin was around. But then a few weeks ago for no particular stand out reason, Taemin touched his waist like always, while they were hugging. His heart leapt into his throat, and he knew. He just knew. Once he knew, he wondered if it had ever not been the case. He remembered how hugely upset he'd been when Taemin didn't leap at the chance to be his friend... when they didn't even know each other yet, or the way he'd been jokingly calling Taemin his girlfriend when he wore that long red wig for Shinee activities. He made that joke so much, every single time he saw Taemin in it actually. 

So yeah it was possible he has always had a crush on his best friend. The crush itself wasn't really a problem. He'd thought about it a lot, Taemin was the prettiest, most talented, and most interesting person of any gender he had ever met. He decided it would be weirder if he didn't have a crush on him. The problem was that Taemin just didn't reciprocate his feelings, why would he? They were both men, it had always been impossibly unlikely.

So it was quite unrequited and quite depressing... plus since his birthday Taemin had gotten a little to into his idol games and was teasing him with skinship flirting all the time. It was starting to get to him, he was going to accidentally kiss Taemin or something, and then their friendship would be ruined. He could not bear that, nothing was worth the risk of losing Taemin. Nothing. Being Taemin's best friend was already such a blessing. He wasn't a fancy pair of shoes Jongin could just put on and take home. He was a person, a beautiful, lovely, brilliant, heterosexual person. That was all there was to it. It made him sad but when they were dancing nothing else mattered. He could lose himself in it. He could be content with being totally platonic best friends forever.

At one point Taemin paused, watching Jongin in the mirror with that sexy scary lazer focus of his. 

"Hey Jonginnie, did you hear about Frank Ocean?" 

"You mean, him coming out on his professional social media account? Can you imagine? He's such a bad ass" 

"Yeah wow. I think I'm a little jealous. They'd eat me alive, for supposedly lying to them for however many years" 

"As if we have a choice. They make sure of that. We either play the game by their rules, or we don't play." 

"Yes exactly, you always understand my feelings Jonginnie, even when I don't. That's why you're my favorite." 

"Mmm sappy, I love you too...now are we here to dance or what?" 

Taemin beamed at him like he'd said something particularly erudite. 

Jongin could only take so much of his brilliant and perpetually curious best friend prodding around in his feelings, before he'd inevitably accidentally say something he couldn't take back... like I am in love with you or, I want to kiss you so bad I have dreams about it constantly or, please just put me out of my misery and fuck me senseless before I die of wanting you. So nope. No more of that extremely dangerous topic.

An hour or two of blissful dance later, Jongin realized he probably needed to rest for a minute, drink some water. He'd been pushing a little to hard, trying to keep himself and Taemin to busy for casual flirting. SM always had some corporate deal so they always had the single serving water bottles everywhere. It was convienent if not particularly environmentally friendly. He must have been more thirsty than he thought because he sucked down most of that water with out even taking a breath. Did he dribble some water on himself? Yes but oh well. No one here to care one way or another.

"Fuck...Nini...", Taemin's eyes were wide, somewhere between awe and openly leering at him. Teasing him again. Deities give him strength, he could play this game with his members, he could play this game with his best friend. He winked back at Taemin. 

"You like what you see Taeminnie?" 

"You have no idea, how much Jonginnie" 

"Welp to bad we are here to dance not fuck around. However will we survive?", He made a smirky smug face.

"Nope, I'm afraid it's to late My Precious Nini, my desire to fuck around has been engaged.... and now I must have you"

Taemin dropped into a dramatic crouch run and chased after him. The worst part was that it really was fun, horsing around with him. If Taemin weren't just doing what he always did, teasing him relentlessly, he would be having the time of his life, barely half assed fighting him off until he took Jongin for real. But that was never going to happen, so that longing and guilt put a damper on his enjoyment a bit. Jongin miscalculated in a corner and got pinned against the wall. Taemin bit his lip, smirking, as he closed in, probably planning on tickling him again. 

"Hmm Now that you're finally at my mercy, whatever will I do with you?", Fuck Taemin's whisper threat voice was to hot. If this kept up he was going to have a reaction that would humiliate them both.

"No! Wait. Fuck. please stop Taemin ah" 

Taemin stopped immediately, of course, he was always so careful with Jongin. He always had been. It wasn't his fault he had no idea his best friend was in love with him, and definitely way to horny for him. Holy shit, he was going to die of embarrassment. 

"Ok Jonginnie, I'm sorry.", Taemin blinked nervously at him, picking at his clothes, clearly very upset, "I thought you wanted...us. But Jonginnie I would never... I'm so sorry. I just thought..." 

Fuck, was he going to cry. No no no, Taemin never cried, that wasn't ok. What had he done? 

"No! No Taeminnie no no please, no you didn't do anything. It's me, I didn't know how to tell you... it's not fair to you. You're just doing what you're so great at... being an Idol... well everything really. I thought I could just bear with it, never say anything. I've been so afraid you'd hate me... but I can't... pretend... to like... you anymore for the ship marketing... BecauseIReallyDo.", He took a deep breath, and kept going trying to get everything out at once, "and I know it's not your fault you've just been having fun, being silly, and sexy, and fuck, so you, since they started... they started doing more adult concepts with me. I'm not a baby. I understand you're just doing your job now, that flirting is a part of my job too. I want to be able to do it, but when it's you, it's just so confusing and I don't want to embarrass you or cross your boundaries if something you know, happens." 

Jongin closed his eyes and waited for the rejection he was certain was coming.

"Jongin ah, do you mean that since the company has been doing sexy concepts with you, since your birthday, that I'm doing a sexy concept with you to include you or something?"

Jongin nodded, numb and embarrassed, still unsure of how Taemin was going to react to his both coming out in the most awkward way possible and confessing at the same time.

"Holy shit Jonginnie, I didn't realize. Since your birthday, I was so focused on wooing you. This whole ridiculous romantic movie in my head. I didn't realize how the timing would seem to you. Why can't I be as good at feelings as you are huh? You never would have gone for the dramatic gesture instead of the actual communication. Jonginnie I am so so so sorry....may I... touch you right now? I am not trying to push you anywhere you don't want to go, I swear" 

Jongin wordlessly gave permission... For anything really. Taemin, gentle and slow, with infinite care, cupped Jongin's face in his hands.

"Jonginnie I know you don't really like eye contact when you are feeling emotional, but could you look at my mouth, so that you know, that I absolutely mean what I am about to say?" 

Jongin blushed, feeling slightly exposed by how much and how well Taemin knew him. He agreed easily, he trusted his best friend, had for years.

"Nini, my first and best friend in the whole world... I have been In love with you so long, I don't even know when it shifted, or even if it did shift. Maybe I've always been in love with you. I don't know. What I do know is that at some point in the last few months I have become painfully, terribly aware of how in love with you I am. How completely foolishly head over heels in love, desperately needy for you, I am. I thought it would be best for us to wait until we were grown enough that managers wouldn't have much they could say... and I guess I was afraid. It gave me time to come up with a plan. You know I love a good plan, with many many subtle steps. It gave me time, I thought, to win your heart. I'm so sorry I've made you feel that way, because I assure you the opposite is true. I meant it every time I said it Nini. Every single time." 

Jongin was completely floored, he couldn't speak properly, his words got tangled with the intensity of the feelings, lodged in his throat. He whined, pulling Taemin in close, where he belonged, whimpering into the hollow of his throat. He smelled sweet, expensive. 

"I love you Jongin ah. I need you. I want you. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second. You are the best thing that has happened to me outside of my family & dance" 

Jongin's heart was pounding so hard it hurt, his hypersensitive skin felt like fire blooming inside him. Was this what love felt like? He had no idea. The sweet smell of Taemin's throat made Jongin whine, as he opened his mouth and kissed his long beautiful neck. Taemin let his head fall to the side, and whimpered. The sound did something, inside of Jongin, the kiss became a bite, overtook his sensibilities. It was intense, the taste of Taemin against his tongue, the pressure against his teeth suddenly they were so close. Taemin practically crushing him into the wall, pushing, pressing, pressing. Their mutual desperate need to get inside each other, somehow, any how. Taemin gasped, a moaned pain whimper. Jongin realized what he was doing and fell back as far as he could, breathing heavily. 

"I'm sorry Taeminnie... I think I bit you to much. My mouth... Just wants you so badly." 

"Please don't be Nini, fuck that was fucking amazing. I beg you do it again as soon as possible but, can I please kiss you? I think I might die if I can't kiss you right now." 

Jongin chuckled into Taemin's jaw line.

"So Dramatic Lee Taemin" 

But of course he obliged him. Taemin understood that as the permission it was. He surged forward, taking Jongin's mouth like it was his now. It was his, had always been his. Every grain of his being belonged to Taemin now and forever. Jongin didn't know what first kisses were supposed to be like, but this first kiss felt cosmic, like the universe expanding and contracting between them. 

They'd both been waiting for the other for much to long, knew the other was as necessary to them as breathing. 

Their universe expanded 

_______________

**2014, Halloween**

"So you're telling me, you don't think dressing as Ziggy fucking Stardust for Halloween will be basically coming out on main??"

Taemin was leaning against the wall in his vampire costume, looking gorgeous and dangerous... which was the whole point of the vampire subtext in Danger, actually. 

"No I don't, and here's why. 1) In EXO I am a sexy sexually ambiguous super powered alien come to earth to save humanity. Ziggy Stardust was a sexy sexually ambiguous super powered alien come to earth to save humanity."-

"But Jonginnie, Ziggy Stardust a queer icon for fuck sake, especially in the music & performance art community, of which we are a huge part of" 

"Ahaha, that's true, which brings me to the second part. 2) Yes that's true for lgbtqia+ people who are specifically educated or informed on american pop culture, american queer culture, and american performance art history. They, and only they, will understand all the subtext there"- 

"But Jonginnie-" 

"AND THREE!) People think I'm to much of a hot baby, whatever they call it, a himbo, to understand my own choices or interests. So if anyone heads in that direction, I'll just giggle flutter and act oblivious" 

Taemin stared at him in awestruck admiration for his temerity.

"Fuck baby, I love your mind. I love how cavalier you're able to be about all this even after the incident that shall remain unnamed forever... fuck I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I feel like I'm suffocating in how much I miss you. I know we have to be extra careful right now but fuck I miss you." 

Jongin held a long, graceful finger under Taemin's chin, a habit he'd developed since the incident. 

"I miss you too, so much. But I'm paying my dues... we both are. I hate that they make you do those invasive 'are you or are you not fucking your best friend, EXO's Kai', interviews. I hate that I can't make my face believably anything when they ask me that question, so I can't be beside you holding your hand when they ask that question. So we're playing the game right? I refuse to be anyone other than who I am, as much as possible. I already have to take on fifteen different made to fit Idol personas. I don't owe them anything after that. I don't owe them guilt or shame for loving you. Just like you told me once, I mean it everytime I say it. Your happiness is my happiness. This will pass, we have time, history, and people's assumptions about us on our sides. It'll pass" 

"Jonginnie, I love you so much. You always know just what to say to make me feel better. Those people who only bother to notice your abs are missing out... on your imminently biteable hip dimples. Ugh, I'm making myself to emotional. Jonginnie my sweet poet... I need a selfie of us at least. These costumes are giving me major deja vu." 

"Yeah of course, wait Deja vu? Of what?" 

"You more beautiful than a simple human mind can comprehend, made of stardust. Me a sexy monster, draining the life out of people."- 

"Excuse me what? Come here Taeminnie", he checked around, closed the door and deposited Taemin right behind it. So it was physically impossible to open it unless they moved. He cupped Taemin's face in his hands, mirroring the same comfort Taemin had given him, years ago, "you aren't a vampire, you aren't a monster. You aren't draining me or anyone else. Baby I know you get a little caught up in this Sinner/Saint binary of yours but you're a good man, a good person... and the fans who are always demanding more from you, who think that nothing you do is ever enough, they aren't fans properly. They are emotionally addicted to the good feelings you give them. It's not beneficial for you or them to be thinking like that. You're enough, for the industry, for the fans, for art, for history, for me. Ok? Please. Please stop thinking of your self as inadequate. You're amazing. I know you have grim dreams sometimes, of killing people, eating them. I know they feel real and freak you out. But it's ok, it's not real. You're not a monster baby. You're right here with me, not in some grim netherworld where you are some sort of death monster."

"But Jonginnie, I dreamed I ate you this time, I was going to anyway, I woke up crying, and I miss you so much, I can still feel the dream murder teeth on your skin more vividly than I remember your taste", Taemin whispered weakly into the small space between them. 

"Baby..." 

Jongin did the only thing he could think of then, gave Taemin something to remember more clearly than the nightmares, which were always worse when they were very busy or not able to see each other much at all. He kissed him, slowly, gently, communicating all the love they really couldn't talk about freely anymore, clinging to each other as long and as sweetly passionately as they could. 

Someone thumped into the door cursing, Taemin's manager. Taemin instantly shot to the other side of the room and adopted a casual slouch. Jongin gave it another second and opened the door with a loud whiney squawk, bowing preemptively. 

"I'm sorry Hyung I got stuck", he giggled nervously, flitter flapping about as if he was embarrassed. 

"You got stuck?", Manager Hyung squinted at them suspicious. 

"Yes, don't make fun", he pouted irritable and defensive, "It was a trick I saw on the internet, it was supposed to be easy." 

Jongin pout yelled in full frustrated baby Nini Bear mode. 

"You two, what would you do out in the real world huh? We need to teach you more real life skills. All right Taemin ssi, you know it's time to go. We still have to get you in make up before the party." 

Jongin minutely raised one eyebrow at Taemin. Secretly quite pleased and amused, smug even.

"Ok, Bye Jonginnie, I love you."

They sing song giggled their good byes, getting one last hug before they had to get back to work. Jongin squeezed the nape of his neck for a split second. Taemin did the same at his hip bone. Their own super secret code that only they knew. Their reminder that no matter how much their lives resembled a hall of smoke and mirrors, that they were real. That what they had was real. It made Taemin feel better. 

Taemin's manager was shaking his head again that Jongin could be such a brilliant dancer and also get stuck in a door somehow. It really was impressive how easily he could convince people of anything he wanted, when he felt like it. Maybe Jongin was the trickster god made out of stardust after all.

And people thought he was the devious one. Ha!

_______________

**2017**

!!!!bleeep bleeeep bleeeep!!!! 

"Fuck. Hello? Jonginnie? It's...4:00 in the morning. I just got to sleep a little while ago. Wait... You never call me. Are you ok?

.

.

. 

"Jonginnie?" 

.

.

.

"Taeminnie... can I come over?" 

. 

. 

"You're so dramatic Jongin ah, you have a key, you practically live here. Of course you can come over." 

. 

.

"Nini... weren't you supposed to be with her tonight?" 

.

"Yeah I was... Thank you Taeminnie. I love you" 

"Hmmm sappy. I love you too. Now go away. I'm going back to sleep. Wake me up if you need to talk ok? 

"Ha. Ok baby"

\------ 

Baby was back huh? And he was supposed to be spending the night with his girlfriend tonight so... well Taemin would reserve judgement. But Jongin would need food that was certain. He probably hadn't eaten in a while. Taemin slid out of bed to stumble around in the kitchen, see what sort of emotional crisis Jongin friendly food he had. 

By the time Jongin got home, Taemin had prepped a tray of food he could eat even when he was upset, a mug of his favorite tea, then went to back to bed to rest before whatever was coming, hit. 

At some point Jongin snuggled under the covers with him and burrowed into his armpit, sniffling quietly. His face was tear stained.

"Do you want to talk about it Jonginnie?"

"She broke up with me" 

Taemin gathered his tall but somehow sometimes very tiny boyfriend into his arms. 

"Come here, I gathered as much." 

"She said she was tired of being a third wheel in her own relationship, that it was either her or you. I don't think I had a chance to say anything... She was just breaking shit and yelling really mean shit", a sob caught in his throat. 

"You want me to go beat her up baby? I will. I'll walk right in to wherever the fuck she is and slap the absolute shit out of her. Everyone in that room will know exactly why.", They laughed together softly. After all these years, they still treasured their shared sense of humor. Eventually Jongin started talking again. 

"Once she calmed down, she said she was done, that she should have known better than to... well you know. I'm sorry to be crying over a break up on you baby. I'm so sorry I put you through this." 

"Nini Baby, Jonginnie, you're not putting me through anything. We sorted this out years ago. You and I, we function differently emotionally. I know that. My feelings aren't hurt. I'm not offended. You have never disrespected me even once. Not ever. You have always put me first... even when you didn't have to. Honestly baby bear, she was right. She should have known better. She knew exactly what she was getting into. So what? She thought she'd put it on you, and you would just fall out of love with me? Just stop being who you are entirely? I think that is the part that annoys me. Her expectation that you should completely unravel yourself for her comfort." 

"One of the most loveable things about you Kim Jongin, is that you completely inhabit love. You embody love. I don't think there is a person on this earth that you aren't at least a little in love with. You try to cover it up a little, but I know... and I love it, love you Jonginnie. But people they get crushed out on you because you are so kind, sweet, so loving, and then immediately want you to completely change who you are, and love only them. A thing which you are completely unable to give them. You just have so much unending love inside you. Then when they tell you that the way you have always loved, the love that they fell for in the first place is not good enough for them to stick around, It always makes you feel broken and ashamed of the way you experience love, to not be able to give them whatever love experience they were looking for. That makes me mad enough to... I don't know, tell Kibummie she side eyed his outfit. I won't of course, I'm not that petty. But I want to." 

"So let me cut you off because I know where this is going. Your love is not inadequate, it's just different. That's what you tell me too right? That there is nothing wrong with my greatest passions being music and dance, art, that there is nothing wrong with loving you as living art, that there is nothing wrong with me for not feeling like I have to own you. You tell me there is nothing wrong with me being happy to stand by your side as your love and best friend while someone else is on your arm, or that I don't want or need anyone else for myself? Well the same goes for you. You love people, unreservedly Jonginnie. It's beautiful, not shameful. It's nothing to be ashamed of." 

"Secondly, it doesn't bother me at all to talk about this. You are still my first and best friend kitten. This is what friends do, take care of each other." 

"And lastly, let me just be petty for one second, maybe if her dick game was better she would have felt more confident in your relationship", Taemin's eyes lit up, knowing that being a teasing pest would help draw Jongin out of his despair, and it did. Jongin laughed. 

"Lee Taemin, none of my girlfriends have pegged me. I wouldn't be against it, but it's not worth the risk of exposure when there is a much more convenient way." 

"Wait really? Jonginnie, you top them? Is that what the heteros even call it? They don't take care of you? Wow I did not know that and don't know how I feel about it. If they are enjoying the blessing of my kitten's love they should at least be take care of him. Now I'm kinda curious. Hmmm maybe you'll find one who wouldn't mind if I watched. Now suddenly a toppy Jongin appears in the distance. What is this mysterious creature like? What could he want? But still they should take care of my most precious person. Do you want me to teach them?" 

"Holy shit babe. You're gonna what, show up at a first date, lecture them about power exchange, my iddle biddle delicate feelings, and then ask if it would be cool if you, Shinee's Lee Taemin, my boyfriend of years and years, could watch me give her the dick, because you are idly curious about the nitty gritty details of how cis men and women get it on, and you think most porn lacks emotional or artistic resonance?" 

"All these years and you still get me without me having to say a thing... and yes absolutely if I have to, for you, yes, of course." 

"Taeminnie, you can't... Oh my fuck. Baby I appreciate your loyalty always, but believe me it's already hard enough for them knowing they are competing with the Lee Taemin without you showing up out of the blue to teach them how to Daddy Dom me including an implied audition, in public." 

"Daddy Dom you? Oh yeah, ha, ok yes maybe I'm a little protective. But baby, I'm not trying to be their competition. There are things, that I will never be able to give you... like children. It was always going to be like this. I'm no threat to you building a family." 

"I know that Taeminnie... actually I think that is what the problem ends up being. They start out thinking that you're someone that they can beat, like an ex I'm still hung up on. No matter how clear I am they always think a month or two of public appearances and I'll give you up for something easier. But that's never going to happen Taemin. Not ever." 

"You know",. Taemin scooched around so he could look at the now much more relaxed Jongin, "If it came to that, if you found someone who could give you those things, that needed monogamy, or whatever, I would miss you so much it hurts my heart even thinking about it. But I wouldn't be mad at you. You wouldn't have lost me completely or forever. I am not ever going to force you to choose. If it comes to it I can love you forever just as well from your side as your real actual totally platonic best friend forever." 

"Well that's not going to happen, though I appreciate your willingness to sacrifice your own happiness so I can have a kid or two, I guess. But I know you Lee Taemin, and I know you just don't want to change diapers. Well tough luck baby. Because if I marry someone, it's going to be someone who understands that you will be always be an intimate part of my life, someone who can see you as family rather than the competition. If we have kids you will be part of that decision, and you will be there as one their caregivers for their whole lives. So please stop with the I love you so much, I would walk away. I don't want that, in fact I demand that you always talk to me first, if you are feeling like you should walk away... or feeling emotionally unfulfilled. I know we can find your way home again as long as we're together. We're unstoppable together"

"Ok ok My Kitten, you're disgustingly sentimental. I suppose I really am stuck with you for life then. Now go eat your food babe. We need to get a little more sleep now. Jongin wiggled at him, maximum bratty kitten. 

"Only if you kiss me first"

They did not end up getting anymore sleep that morning. They had never been very good at taking care of themselves, but were always perfectly suited to taking care of each other. So that's what they did. It worked for them. 

Always had. Always would. 

____________________

**2018/2019**

"JonginnieJonginnieJonginnieJonginnieJonginnieJonginnie!!!!" 

Taemin came peeling into his apartment at top human speed. All of Jongin's most interesting life adventures started with Taemin almost knocking him over. He smiled placidly, happy to wait for another miraculous Taemin storm to hit. Taemin was in peak bouncy mode, talking so fast, he doubted anyone else would even be able to understand. 

"Oh hell, Jonginnie, did you get the call yet? I asked them to wait for twenty minutes. They asked me who I thought. I told them outright. It had to be you or I wouldn't do it and they said that was great, they figured, and besides you were on their short list anyway. Did you get the call yet???" 

In a fit of phenomenal universal timing, Jongin's phone started to buzz insistently on the counter. Taemin, jumped eyes wide in excitement, squeaked, covered his mouth and gestured frantically for him to answer his phone. 

"Hello" 

Taemin, ran into the bedroom, to muffle his excited screaming in the bedding. What the fuck could they have to say that was that exciting? 

Twenty two minutes later an extremely thunderstruck Jongin flopped himself on the bed next to Taemin, to also completely freak out. 

"Holy shit" 

"I know!"

Holy shit!" 

"I know!"

"A permanent project group, together. Baby Together. Holy shit. Holy shit. I think I might cry honestly. I can't believe they are letting us work on a project together."

"I know! ... They did give me a long lecture about professional behavior, being a great example as a Hyung. As if I'm ever unprofessional? Do they think we'd throw our entire lives away so we could make out on camera? As if we don't possess extremely secure cameras for that exact purpose already. Ha! They said they were going to ask Baekhyun too. Do you think he'll say yes?" 

"A super group focused on western success? Oh yeah he'll pretend to think about it for 2.5 minutes then jump on the opportunity." 

"I was hoping you would say that. Fantastic! They expected me to be leader, but there is no way I'm interfering with my art and Jonginnie time with that bureaucratic nightmare. I can drop it in his lap though. He's better suited to it than I am anyway. He's really good at people, even better at people than vocals and that is saying a lot."

"Oh what you don't think I could do it?" 

"Of course you could do it Jonginnie, don't be ridiculous. You are the kindest and most loving person I know. You would be stellar at leading us. But the constant combative people interfacing would eat you alive. Besides, would you rather be dancing, spending time with me "working", and being the excellent Hyung you are meant to be, or being chewed out by everyone in management who thinks they get a say in how we fucking breathe?" 

"Well when you put it like that..." 

"Exactly, thank you. Besides he really is best suited to it, and being responsible like that will keep him on his best most positive funny behavior, and off that trouble maker bully juice." 

"Baby, don't you think it's time to forgive him about something that was happening years ago? He's better now." 

"No I do not. You are physically incapable of holding a grudge so I have to hold them for you. It's what Kitten Daddies do. It's in the rule book I checked. See right here, protect your soft boy at all costs." 

"Listen to me baby, I understand why you feel that way. But I'm a grown up. You're the one constantly dedicating whole universes of love poems to how loveable I am right? So I need you to respect that. He's my member, we're good these days, and I need it to stay like that. If you want to do that church wife kill em with kindness thing you do, go for it. But you are not getting in a pissing contest over me. You already won that battle a decade ago. Ok?" 

"Yeah ok fine. You're right. I can see that you are right. I don't have to like that you are right though. Hmmph" 

"Taeminnie, baby are you going sit there and pout all day or are you going to come here and celebrate with me? A permanent project group. Together. Too-gehhh-therrrrrr." 

"It's literally the dream. I'm sorry, I'm all over the place. To many feelings." 

"Well... Taeminnie, love of my life, home of my heart, my happiness incarnate, why don't you come here and kiss me. I'm sure we can figure out something to do with all those over flowing emotions of yours, together."

_____________

**2020**

Jongin watched Taemin doing the teaser live for the new album, from right outside the camera's range. He was in full baby cheese fan service mode, eyes wide and innocent, mask pulled down over his chin, very cute even for a person who should be completely desensitized to Taemin's professional cute. However, there was really no way to get over Lee Taemin professionally or personally, and he didn't want to anyway. He was just glad he always had ring side seats to the show. 

Taemin said goodbye, slid his phone into his butt pocket and flopped down on the couch with an extremely dramatic sigh. 

"Well the teasers are out now. I can't take it back. Fuck! I should have kept it for another week. There's still so much fine tuning I could have done." 

Jongin wound himself around Taemin and pulled him half way on his lap, so they were all tangled up together. 

"Heyyy, look I've heard that album. It's glorious. You poured your whole self into it. You don't have to keep pouring it's going to be ok. It's going to be better than ok. It's going to be phenomenal." 

"Maybe"

"No maybe, definitely. You're The Lee Taemin, stuff of legends. Stop doubting yourself." 

"I guess... Fuck! I hated not having creative control, but now that I have it, now that it's so fucking personal, exactly what I've been railing for all along. I'm so scared Jonginnie. It's going to hurt so much more if they don't like it. Before I could blame it on corporate. But if they don't like this... If this isn't good enough, than it's because I'm not good enough." 

"Ok first of all, absolutely not. You will never hear me say this in public for obvious reasons, but baby, if they don't like this it means they are a bunch of tasteless fools. I've heard this every step of the way. It's beautiful and raw. It's gorgeous and exquisitely you. They are going to love it. They will maybe be confused on some points, but they will love it. Because it is impossible to not love that. It's art."

Taemin wiggled around so he could look at Jongin better. 

"You always know exactly what to say to me. You have always known exactly what to say to me. What did I do in my last life to be so lucky with you in this one huh?" 

"Smooth and patient, that's why you keep me around" 

"Oh is that why?", Taemin elbowed him hard, "here I was thinking it was because you're so bendy" 

"Pfft if you wanted bendy", Jongin kissed and nibbled along his jaw line, "you'd be keeping our precious little Tennie in the spare bedroom for easy acces to said bendiness, rather than full on adopting him as your official unofficial dance child." 

"Well you want kids, I can't get us an infant, but I can get us a Tennie" 

"Is that really why you adopted him?" 

Taemin laughed, like that answer was painfully obvious. 

"Of course" 

"Fuck I love you so much." 

"Pffft you love everyone so much. I'm just around the most." 

"Yes, because I love you so much. But I'm happy to argue semantics till dawn if that's what you need right now.", They both laughed and then settled down just enjoying being close.

"Thanks Jonginnie, I feel better now. You really think it's going to be ok?" 

I know it's going to be iconic, now hush. Let's watch a movie. You obviously need distraction.

**2021**

"Maybe we should go on vacation, now that both of our albums are out, and this latest SuperM comeback is over.", Taemin fiddled with his keys, as they walked across the parking lot, thinking intently.

"Lee Taemin, who do you think you are talking to? Vacation? You haven't taken a break since you were ten. What do you actually want?", Jongin squinted at him, immediately suspicious. 

"What, I can't change?" 

"Not on this you can't, you are una-" 

"Shhhh, did you hear that? - I just want to go on vacation with you for more than two days, is that so hard to believe?" 

"Hear what babe? It's not difficult to believe, it's impossible to believe. You hate resting. You get antsy" 

Taemin waved him off in dismissal, and started looking under cars for the source of the sound. 

"Fine, have it your way I guess. Aha! Look baby, it's a little bitty kitten. Get him." 

Taemin directed his most powerful pout at Jongin.

"Taeminnie, I'm wearing Gucci, you really want me to crawl under a car for it?" 

"I'm wearing white, yes yes I do... Besides I did it last time it's your turn" 

Jongin cocked his head, looking at Taemin in confusion, "You did what last time" 

"Oh hush Jonginnie, I obviously have no idea what I'm talking about. Please just save our baby."

Jongin tried to maintain a stern expression, but Taemin was just to cute. He started laughing. 

"Fine fine fine, I will save our baby" 

It only took him a minute to get the kitten. He sat on the asphalt, in the parking lot, in his designer jeans, cooing over the pitch black kitten while he checked it for any injuries. He looked up at Taemin beaming. 

"She's ok Taeminnie, look. I'm naming her Demon. Awww she's so cute and thinks she's so dangerous. She's just scared though. She'll figure out we're safe."

Jongin had a smudge of grease on his right cheekbone, as he murmured sweet soft things to the kitten. He was glorious, perfect, perfect for Taemin anyway.

"Fine Jonginnie be difficult, no trip. But 20 years from now, when you are telling this story to our grandchildren, please bear in mind that you could have had a peak Lee Taemin the grand artiste, proposal, and you chose instead to have it sitting in a parking lot with a half starved kitten in your lap, covered in grease." 

Jongin was still fussing over the kitten and obviously not paying full attention. Taemin fished something out of his pocket. 

"You know what, I've never been good at waiting anyway," he crouched in front of Jongin, ring dangling casually from his finger, "Jonginnie, marry me, move in with me for real. No more mostly. We can get a place that is big enough for a dance studio, kids, your girlfriends. I am not worried about any of the details. Just this, Nothing has changed between us since you hit me with that ridiculous purple truck Jonginnie, so please stop staring and... Just marry me please." 

"But I'm so dirty", Jongin rubbed at the grease smudge in his cheek, only managing to make it more dramatic. 

"Well I tried to take you on a stunning vacation and rent a whole famous dance hall for you... But you refused. So now you get dirty parking lot, dirty kitten, dirty Nini... and every ounce of love I have to offer you, forever." 

Jongin took the ring carefully, it was gorgeous, simple, designer. You know I can't really wear this right?" 

"Of course I know that... So is that a yes?" 

Jongin shoved him, half hearted, and trying not to cry. 

"You're gonna make me cry." 

"Don't look at me, I tried to do literally anything else. I wasn't the one being perfect in a parking lot over a kitten.", He held his hand out to help Jongin up with out setting down his tiny charge. 

"Jonginnie you're killing me, is that a yes?" 

"You still have that little purple truck, you're hiding it in your underwear drawer. I know you do.", Jongin was still trying not to get teary as they piled into the car, including one brand new Demon kitten.

"Nini please, you know I'm terrible at this, please, I am begging you to just tell me, if you will marry me." 

Jongin laughed, loud and affectionate. 

"Of course I'll marry you, you really wouldn't mind living with kids...a woman if I ever get there with anyone? Kids are loud... and demanding. They need taken care of."

"Oh you mean like you?" 

"Yes Taemin, exactly like me, only tiny." 

"Jongin, I can think of nothing better than... raising some little obnoxious kids with you and yours. I understand why you are worried, but have you ever known me to not strategize the shit out of every single life choice I make?" 

"Actually you make a really good point... So kids huh?" 

"Shut the fuck up, you have obviously ruined me." 

"Well... I haven't ruined you yet... but as soon as we get home..."

"Shhhh not in front of the children. Cover poor innocent little Demon's ears." 

They both laughed, it had always been easy for them to make each other laugh. 

"Hey, do you think if I sound pitiful enough I could con Gucci into making her tiny designer collars?" 

"Well you conned me into marriage and children didn't you? I think at this juncture it would be dangerous to underestimate your ability to sell anything to anyone." 

"That's true, I am very very good" 

"Hey don't look at me, I'm to whipped to argue. I obviously hold the very biased opinion that you are literally the best human on earth, one of the very few worth knowing." 

"Speaking of my greatness", Jongin laughed, as he pet the sleepy kitten in his lap, "I can't believe you still have that best up little car... and people think I'm the sentimental one" 

"Well, no one had ever given me anything like that. It was meaningful to me. But if you tell anyone I'm mushy over you", Taemin kissed Jongin's kitten free hand before he started proper driving, "I'll divorce you" 

"We aren't even married yet Taeminnie" 

"Well then I guess we better get on it so I can divorce you to make a point." 

"Ugh, this is my future now isn't it?" 

"Yup, predetermined since that fateful day you decided we could be friends and bounced a little purple car off my chest." 

"Well, in my defense we do make really good friends, and that car worked." 

"I guess since you just got proposed to and are currently completely drunk on emotions and kitten cuteness, I'll give that to you, just this once.", They both laughed. 

"Hey Taeminnie?" 

"I really do love you so much" 

"Mm so sappy. Gross, I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> I have a Twitter where I ramble occasionally about writing, queerness, neurodiversity, SuperM, beautiful talented artists, and music  
> [@SpaceandGlitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/SpaceandGlitter)  
> [My Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/lostinthisindigogalaxy)


End file.
